The Start of it All

 For the past several years, I have been obsessing over religion. I can’t even focus on my school work because that’s all I care about, really. I guess I should tell you what happened to make me turn out like this.

First let me say that I’ve been hospitalized nine times for mental illness, although some of that could probably be attributed to my drug use. In 2015 I started having visions, and some of them came true–sort of, at least. I was on Adderall (prescribed) at the time, so maybe that had something to do with it. I don’t know.

I was walking around my backyard one day, and I had a vision that people were trying to build “Zion” here in Cochran (or near here), and I thought it had something to do with Dr. Roberts, who was my childhood doctor. I also thought it had something to do with the Masons. Most of my ancestors seem to have been Masons. My maternal grandfather was a Master Mason, and my grandma was the Worth Matron of the Order of the Eastern Star.

I also had a vision that I was somehow quantumly connected to a diamond “star” and that somehow I was the reincarnation of or had the spirit of King David. I know that sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but it is what it is.

I also started having these resonance feelings in my body that were triggered by certain things I would hear or sometimes think. I couldn’t control them, and when they happened sometimes I wasn’t expecting them at all. I got the resonance feeling that it was coming from the Spirit of Truth, who was also the Mother Goddess, Shekinah in Judaism, Sakina in Islam, and Shakti in Hinduism. I had been reading the Bible incessantly, so I knew it said that if a spirit was of God, it would testify that Jesus came in the flesh. I was watching a Christian show one night, and she mentioned how Jesus died because he loved people, and I got the resonance feeling. So I thought it was from God–even though the resonance feeling told me that it was the one speaking through the snake in the Garden of Eden.

The next year, my mom’s cousin informed us that her son, who is a contractor, was working on a project in Bleckley County. Allegedly Bill Gates and some other billionaire had bought thousands of acres to be their “bug-out spot”. This seemed to fulfill my vision about Ed Roberts and “Zion”, since Dr. Roberts was Bill Gates's boss. He also invented the personal computer. I had a friend who told me that before he died, he told her that he was working on something “bigger than the Internet”. I’m not sure what it means or if it is connected.

Then one day I was at a friend’s house, and this guy came over and pulled out his tablet computer, which had the Order of the Eastern Star logo on it, which is an upside down pentagram with the word “fatal” written around it. I told him my grandma was the Worthy Matron, and he took me to a back room. He pulled out a dollar bill and pointed to the all-seeing eye and said something about “Father, Son, Holy Ghost” and “Heaven, Hell, and Earth”. He told me that I was a star and that there were others in Warner Robins. He said my parents must’ve paid a high price for me, whatever that means. Then he gave me a skeleton key with a diamond-looking star attached to it–just like my vision. He told me to carry it around with me, and someone would ask me about it. But when I told my mom, she took it from me. I asked my aunt about it, since my uncle is a Mason. Then a short while later, she told me that a newsletter was circulating among the Masons saying to disregard any rumor of a skeleton key.

Speaking of the diamond star–I also got the resonance feeling while listening to Tori Amos’s song “Hey Jupiter” that somehow I was connected to Jupiter or that it was talking about me. Upon further research, I discovered that in Judaism Jupiter is considered the “King David planet” and some scientists hypothesize that its core is a giant diamond since it rains hydrocarbons.

Then on August 14, 2016, I came home from the same friend’s apartment, and I laid in my bed. The only drug I had all day was an Adapex, which is a diet pill. It’s also a stimulant, so I wasn’t sleepy, but I was resting. I closed my eyes, and when I did, I saw what I thought was the end of the world. I don’t remember what I saw–I was just left with the feeling. When I opened my eyes, hovering above the end of my bed were these two wheels connected perpendicularly and kind of glowing. I was in shock–couldn’t scream or anything. I had never seen anything like that in my life. Finally I bolted downstairs to tell my mother, and I couldn’t even speak. I ended up sleeping in her bed that night because I was so in shock.

The next day, I went on YouTube, and the first recommended video was about the New World Order. In it was an old etching about Ezekiel’s vision with exactly what I saw in it–the wheel within the wheel. I started investigating it more and Googled the date it happened. I found that someone had taken out a granite cube from the Georgia Guidestones (built by the Masons supposedly), and it had the numbers “8 14 20 16” on it–the same date that I saw the wheel within the wheel. I also found out that it was Tisha B’Av, the day in Judaism on which their messiah was supposed to metaphorically be born.

There’s so much more to write, but I don’t want my first post to be too terribly long, so I’ll write more tomorrow or sometime. I’m supposed to be doing my homework, but I’ll probably research theology and the Bible some more, as I usually do. I just really need to find an answer before it’s too late. I can’t begin to describe the amount of suffering I’ve experienced. I’ve wanted to end my life so many times–almost daily. I would never wish this upon anyone ever–not even my worst enemy, if I had one.